Interesting story so far. I really like it, especially the idea. Jade seems pretty cool, like her character is pretty chill with a bit of a spunky fire. I like :P The dying/dead guy was a bit odd not sure what I think of that part but hey, whatever.
There's a couple little quirks though such as "Memphis was a well-known London gang everybody in London knew about them and most people outside of London." It's redundant, to put it simply. Also, perhaps you could change "about" to "of" since the next sentence was that no one knew anything /about/ them. Just something that crossed my mind as I read through the chapter.
Other than a few grammar and stylistic bits that I picked up on the chapter was pretty good. I want to know what happens next, who was the baby faced boy, what's going to happen to Jade, etc.
Thanks for your review! Your right after re-reading that part I can see what you mean I will do my best to correct it
I tried to make the dead boy part really awkward to kind of highlight what Jade was feeling which is way it's a bit 'eww'
LOL I'm by no means a perfect writer but I will do my best to improve and be on par with everyone else :) again thanks for your corrections they're appreciated :D
There's a couple little quirks though such as "Memphis was a well-known London gang everybody in London knew about them and most people outside of London." It's redundant, to put it simply. Also, perhaps you could change "about" to "of" since the next sentence was that no one knew anything /about/ them. Just something that crossed my mind as I read through the chapter.
Other than a few grammar and stylistic bits that I picked up on the chapter was pretty good. I want to know what happens next, who was the baby faced boy, what's going to happen to Jade, etc.
Great job, I'm gonna continue to keep reading :)
I tried to make the dead boy part really awkward to kind of highlight what Jade was feeling which is way it's a bit 'eww'
LOL I'm by no means a perfect writer but I will do my best to improve and be on par with everyone else :) again thanks for your corrections they're appreciated :D