Everyone tells me that I, Jeremy Haze, am a very irrational person, but I don't believe them. I'm usually pretty level headed, but the things that happen on accident are actually what get me in trouble.
Today, my friend, Dylan Thompson, and I decided to go shoplift at my favorite place, Shop Mart, but when we got there it was worse than usual. It was Chaotic, so I decided to take some jewelry this time. I found the perfect ring for my future spouse.
"Excuse me," a booming voice asked, "What are you doing?" I turned to see a man with dyed grey hair and a really handsome face. I gave him a ring and bolted out of there.
But when I got in the car, I realized that the ring I had given him was the one I was going to save for my future spouse. Shit.
"Dylan, I accidentally gave a weird man the ring I was going to give to my future spouse," I said.
"Did you seriously just propose to some random guy?" Dylan asked, "Jeremy, I thought you were smart enough to not do that!" It finally hit me what just happened.
"I didn't realize that I just proposed," I said, "I just wanted him off my tail. Just get him distracted, not propose. I didn't even hear his reply because I bolted out of there so quickly."
"What if he said 'yes', Jeremy?" Dylan asked.
"I mean, he was totally my type, without the poor dye job," I said. I took out my phone and went on social media.
"So now you're totally okay with marrying some rando just because he's 'your type'?" Dylan asked, "For all we know, he could be even more of a lunatic than you."
"Ha ha, very funny, Dylan," I said, "You know I hate it when you call me a lunatic." I started looking at random clips.
"I'm trying to help you, Jeremy," Dylan said, "You just always pull stupid stuff and I hate it. I hate seeing you deal with consequences from all the things you pull. I know that stealing is lucrative for you, but I don't think it's good in the long run with, you know, how Johnny almost died."
"Wait, Uncle Johnny almost died?" I asked.
"Yeah," Dylan said, "He got into a fight and almost died. It was actually last week. He's still in the hospital. He broke a bunch of bones, but the other guy was almost unscathed. You better be careful who you rob." All of a sudden a video of some guy asking for me by pic showed up. It looked like the man I accidentally proposed to, except he had brown hair.
"Dylan," I said, "I think he's looking for me already."
"I'm driving," Dylan said, "And I don't want to stop until we're home, so please just wait." There were comments flooding in that the guy was actually the CEO of Shop Mart. I started hyperventilating. "What is it now?"
"He's the CEO," I said.
"For the love of!" Dylan said, "I swear, only weird things happen around you, Jeremy."151Please respect copyright.PENANACV5VBUnZbT