我鍾意同妳鬥氣，其實只係因為… （已完結） - 二百五十一

二百五十一

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見到Herman咁戇鳩又純真，我真係忍唔住笑咗出黎︰「真架，你快啲比錢喇。你個課程幾多錢架？」

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「一千九百九十九蚊…」

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「我收你三舊水！」我拍晒心口講。

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估唔到個傻仔竟然真係諗住拎個銀包出黎比錢我...

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「喂，喂！停，停！」我連忙道：「我講下笑架咋！」

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你咁純情，我真係服咗你...

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「吓...咁即係點啊...？」Herman有少少頹喪咁問。

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「其實我係想話比你知，冇得搞架喇。」我道：「與其浪費金錢，不如死心搵過下個喇！」

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「點會啊...」Herman雙手掩面難過地道。

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「咪咁喇，你係咪男人黎架？女咋嘛，冇咗呢個咪搵下個囉。」唉屌，估唔到諗住玩膠耍走條友，搞搞下竟然變咗安慰佢起黎。

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呢個世界發生既事真係無奇不有...

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「但係你...你係咪因為都對阿儀有意思，所以你先咁講啊...」Herman似乎仍然對我有戒心。

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當然比起初次見面想殺咗我咁款既時候，而家比女飛既佢呢個態度已經算係友善好多...

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「唉屌你唔信我就算。」我做咗個「請」既手勢，道：「你繼續去煩住阿儀，等佢乞你憎，連朋友都冇得做喇。」

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「但係...」

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「但乜鬼嘢係吖，你覺唔覺得阿儀而家好似驚咗你架咩？」我問。

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「係…但係…」

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「你仲但係喎，」我又搭住佢膊頭，笑道︰「我係黎幫你架，做唔成女朋友，至少都可以做個朋友吖！如果我跣鳩你既，我而家就推你出去再同阿儀表白喇！」

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「但係…」

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「屌你，仲黎？」

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「唔係、唔係，我係想問…真係冇辦法嗱？」Herman個樣顯得好絕望。

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「你同佢都分咗手一排喇，其實問心，你係咪仲清楚過我？」我道。

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Herman唔出聲，我就知我今次真係hit中G點。

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我搭住Herman膊頭既手拍咗佢兩下，道︰「信我喇，我係媾女專家黎，食鹽多過你食米！」

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Herman問︰「但你副尊容…咁都做到愛情專家？」

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「唉，所以話，你條友真係唔識貨。我呢啲樣先夠貼地，夠晒親切感啊！」我道︰「咁事實擺在眼前，我咁既尊容都係媾女百戰百勝，吹咩！」

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Herman點點頭，道︰「我諗我明喇…但係…」

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又黎但係？我阻止佢唔比佢講︰「等我講啲愛情道理比你聽喇，愛一個人唔係一定要擁有佢，而係…」

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然後我就用盡我既三吋不爛之舌，同Herman講咗幾粒鐘，天都黑埋…

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其實我呢幾個鐘都係白卡式鳩UP，但係唔知點解，Herman好似真係聽到好入神，仲識反問我問題，然後慢慢地…佢好似真係冇咁執著要追返葉佩儀…

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痴線，呢啲係乜嘢神展開？

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講到口水都乾埋，Herman聽到有啲眼濕濕，到最後佢開口向道謝︰「多謝你…聽完你對我講既嘢，我個人好似舒服返好多嘞。」

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「咁咪好囉。」我而家淨係想飲啖水…

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「不過…要去到我真係可以放低阿儀，應該仲有排啊…」

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我又拍下佢個膊頭，道︰「放心，時間係治療失戀既良藥！」我用一副專家既口吻講完之後，自己都有啲忍唔住想笑。

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「…原來…你同我想像之中既好唔同…」

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「你條仆街仔，果陣就係想識下我好兄弟個新男朋友先同你去食飯，點知你條友對住我好似我殺咗你老母定爭你錢咁，好似想用刀斬我，跟住又發老脾成餐飯唔肯點出聲，你諗返有冇覺得自己好戇鳩啊？」我直線抽擊。

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唔知係咪因為用咗咁多心機同時間去「開解」Herman，佢而家對比起第一次見我既時候，唔止完全冇敵意，比我寸完仲話︰「咁…其實我都唔知原來你係個好人…仲以為你都對阿儀有意思吖嘛…」

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「十年都黎喇，我對阿儀有意思一早媾咗佢喇，係你先覺得個男人婆正架啫！」

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…

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屌你，講完我自己個心都乸咗一下。

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「唉，如果一早知你係個好人，我都唔會喺阿儀面前鬧過你，搞到我哋嗌過好多次交。」Herman嘆咗口氣道︰「諗返認真無謂。」

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「知喇咩，其實我同阿儀歷任男友都好friend，都唔知你痴咗乜嘢線。」我道︰「走喇，至少呢排唔好煩住阿儀住，同佢分咗手之後做返朋友已經唔簡單，你仲要煩到佢嘔、煩到佢驚，咁樣唔好話復合，連做朋友都難啊。有興趣既我喺我排隊既女朋友入面搵幾個比你頂住檔先喇。」

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「唔駛喇…如果可以…我都仲想等阿儀…」

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睇黎我淨係勸得到佢暫時唔好煩住葉佩儀，佢而家心入面可能都仲存有一絲希望。

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算喇，我咁樣已經算係任務完成架喇。

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不過好彩你話唔駛啫，你話要既話我都唔知喺邊度搵個女朋友出黎比你…

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（待續）

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