NaNoWriMo Journal - Home

For 2 years I spent the better part of my time away from home. My then-infant daughter “grew-up” into a toddler with her daddy not around, only coming to visit for a few short weeks every quarter or so. When that chapter of my life finally ended, she experienced me staying for the first time in her memory. After the first month and a half, she would randomly walk up to me with a huge grin and say, “Daddy... you’re home!” Her little voice made it seem like she had just discovered, noticed the subtlest but most magnificent of surprises, and if she’d say it too loudly the dream of it would go away. She and I frequently shared a sweet, long hug after these moments, myself on the verge of bittersweet tears; happy that she recognized and appreciated the value of me being around, but sad that I’d been gone so long and missed so much.

I’ve now been Home for two and a half months. 75-odd days of rebuilding and reforging relationships with my youngest and eldest daughters, my wife, and our sundry pets. Admittedly, that absence had been a choice, one made of good intentions for my daughters’ and wife’s collective benefits. It still hurt. The separation; the loneliness; the forced independence; I do not wish to recreate any of that, ever. True, there were lessons learned and strengths built through that; but is the cost truly worth it? “Only time will tell,” as the cliche phrase says, and I fear to find out...

Tonight is the first time I will be leaving my family — my home — for more than a few hours. Tomorrow is my first drill with my state’s Air National Guard (ANG), which I am looking forward to, and will spend a fair portion of today preparing for. However, I all too easily anticipate that my youngest will think my “prolonged visit” has finally ended, or worse, cry when I don’t return for bed time. For those two years, I was just a face on a computer screen; for the next two nights I will be again. It will be better than nothing, and likely calm the girls down from whatever melodrama they put themselves into.

This weekend will be bittersweet; a new chapter begins, but my daughters will be having to adjust to a new routine. One thing is for-sure, however: the last two years has reinforced the value of Home.

Home isn’t just where you sleep at night, or spend your idle hours between work and rest. Home isn’t even a place, but a state; the reciprocity of love, value, appreciation, partnership, commitment, and presence. Even those moments of video-chat from across the state or across oceans can be moments of Home when it is with Family.

Home and those you share it with is the most important thing of this mortal life. Not career, not comfort; not fashion, wealth, jewels, tools, toys, or delights. Home is the place safe from the storms of life you build; Family is those with whom you build it. Build that bond, that shelter, strong enough and with the right foundation, and no storm or crisis can destroy it.

In the month of Thanksgiving, I am extremely grateful for Home, and the Family that has helped me build it.

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