Tuesday, After class.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHTLBgfMzNO
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I had been thinking about it all day.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7j36Ok4PPP
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About what Hina said yesterday afternoon, about what happened the week prior. Asking someone else to help with my problems. To fix what felt like to me, a burden that I had been carrying all my life. And the person chosen by her?13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPfFVJeGT90
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Kuroiwa Rei.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVPGcagjMoa
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I was always familiar with that name. But the person behind it always felt far away and I had my back turned towards him. I’ve only caught the words that were constantly passing around the school. And they were not very pleasant to hear or even to think about. I didn't know what he looked like. Well... just vaguely. The same with most people in our class. I felt that everyone’s eyes refused to look at him. Just like mine. Not even a second.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBXYHH4Q9WC
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“There has to be a better option.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIvJ2cr7dof
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Mika finally broke my chain of thoughts. She was standing in front of her desk, two rows near the windows at the front of the classroom.
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I had remained in my seat ever since class ended an hour ago.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgrrwIwCl3t
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I looked at her.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3YkYZOj8kW
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Her arms crossed like she always did whenever she was against an idea she knew it didn't make any sense. Feet planted on the floor with one slightly ahead of the other. Her face, firm, different from how she usually looked. Her eyebrows tried meeting each other in the middle. I knew that look. I've always known it ever since we were little. And right now? That look was directed to Hina.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2t0DsY22HQ
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“Hina,” Mika continued. “Have you heard about this guy’s reputation?”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLf8NT2kHHy
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Hina was staring toward the back door of the classroom, sitting at her own desk near it. Calm. Steady. Her eyes looked with expectation and her smooth lips, covered with a thin layer of pink lipstick, smiled. She was very relaxed. In fact, she was so relaxed that if I stared at her for a few minutes, I would almost hear her humming in my head. And that bothered me. A tiny little bit.
“Someone told me that he fought ten upperclassmen behind the school!” Yui raised her hand as she poured some of her cheerfulness into jumping down from the teacher’s desk where she sat. “And as a matter of fact, everyone says he has connections to the yakuza.” 13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3BATvdWfig
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“I heard his eyes have supernatural ability to stab you just by looking,” Hina said. The smile on her face was still there. She turned around to look at Yui. “Apparently three students went blind last week.” She giggled.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqjmU4asc2O
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“That’s weird, I never heard of that.” Yui pondered.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKpax0gNnQq
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Mika started getting impatient. She never found anything funny about what had been said.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ14b3s1iqaN
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I did... giggled quietly.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxtcYFRgya
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“That’s exactly the point!” Mika uncrossed and recrossed her arms, which for her was the equivalent of raising her voice. “On top of everything – he’s a loner, he never talks to anyone, everyone at school avoids him. People don't just avoid someone for no reason, you know.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBXLRalkbc6
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I knew that. I knew all of that.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYMPy7eE5U
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Since the beginning of the school year, I had spent every school day believing what others had said. And his nature of always being a loner made a radius of two empty seats between him and everybody else during breaks.. The rumors sounded ridiculous, they all did. But there was no reason for me to just throw away all I heard. I never intended to talk to him in the first place, even now.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8HgDNMKQd6
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But the image of my mom being worried, her calling my father who was working overseas. My friends’ frustrations whenever I didn't get what they were teaching me. The supplementary lessons after classes. Me having to go home alone. Everything. They were all mixing together with the thought of this mysterious person who was also my classmate.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDtGpTawNL
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I swallowed everything and said nothing.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡalSergQ6j8
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“Just trust me,” Hina said simply. She was looking at me specifically even though Mika was the one talking to her.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MUuTFrwXx
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I nodded. Very subtle nod.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRkkqnJjtoU
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Then she blinked towards Mika and gave her a stare, the one she always did when she meant to say that she knew more and had no intention to explain anything. We just had to accept it.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPyZicnpRD
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Mika opened her mouth. Closed it.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr5EETbFWdg
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I felt the same way. When Hina was being like this, pushing back was going to become a huge wall to overcome. The words she spoke were few, but the weight of confidence in them was too heavy.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCp4jD0aNUV
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“I just…” Mika lowered her voice. Her head tilted towards the floor. “I still don’t think this is a good idea.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPyj5nMCTIA
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“Terrible idea!” Yui agreed cheerfully while raising both her hands.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLmGDxCjyW
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I sighed, stood up and went towards Yui. I couldn’t stand the fact that I felt like I was losing an argument I was never even a part of. Maybe in spirit. I don’t know.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTxMn7eW22y
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Then the back door opened.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg1SIDbWvrT
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I stopped in front of Yui when it happened. I saw her stand up straight from the sound. And I could feel Mika do the same without looking at her.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCCY1AQJ5c
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I felt him come in.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ53oerdnvyW
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His steps were slow. With a certain rhythm that sounded careful. Sounded patient. Gentle.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUV8Bxm0g7j
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Gentle?13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMGB9EnTV1N
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Curiosity crept into me.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfUxB6OoSk
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So I turned. Slowly. Reluctantly, like my body knew something my feet hadn’t caught up yet.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlT2bwm0wa
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I looked at him, and he saw my gaze. My eyes snapped back towards the floor.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXb4RyKW1Jm
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He kept walking. After taking a brief look, I got the feeling he had been observing us. The three of us in the front of the class. While he continued towards his seat. At the back beside the window.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rsmiRgzOT
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Behind me, Yui was not moving. I couldn’t see her face but her hands suddenly gripping my arm already told me that she wasn’t looking at him either. Mika as well seemed to be doing the same when I glanced at her.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxz8FwjNZJ
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“What does he look like?” Yui whispered.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5K2g3yOYt
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“You have eyes.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOlPacbNC4O
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“I can’t use them right now.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcX9e120KPN
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“Why not?”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡADnZle14nr
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“I just can’t.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhOmvvkv153
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“Hi.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1lUe4b4Sxc
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That calm voice that suddenly filled the silence came from Hina.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHqLNaoP6PF
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Just a little bit. For just a little bit I looked up at her direction.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgXsj4V7cgb
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She was composed. Walking. Confident with each step. Towards the silhouette of that guy I was currently trying not to look at.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAG2BqrjVJB
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I could almost hear the thoughts of Yui and Mika synchronized with mine.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrFNK0pvEys
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How?
How is she so calm right now?13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjrVrdAJjgU
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“Kuroiwa Rei,” Hina said, with a slight hint of familiarity in her voice. But as far as I know, this is the first time I heard her talk to him. “Do you think you can listen for a second?”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2bYQqRH6kC
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The silence was everywhere inside the room. Too quiet that the noises that came from the classroom below us were the sounds I could hear.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXcxazl15AM
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I never heard an answer from him. Normally, you would stop talking to the guy at that point, right? Normally, you would think that he's not interested in having a conversation with you. But Hina was different. At least I think she was acting differently than normal at this point. I thought she knew what normal meant. But right now? She was definitely ignoring what it meant.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGSxWtwlTNu
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“There’s something the four of us need from you.” And there you go, she kept talking. And of course, with the ease of someone acting like she did not just spend the last few minutes being reminded that this could be a bad idea. “We were hoping you might be able to help our friend study.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPyK3UUmxWJ
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I flinched. I was not ready for the conversation to shift onto my existence.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRYykGsTAn5
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“Study?” he said.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDuHwFdZdy6
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One word. The first time I heard him talk as far as I could remember. And it was that one word delivered in a voice that was flat and unhurried yet somehow still managed to fill the space it occupied completely.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8cpy5lD9i
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“Exactly,” Hina said, sounding genuinely pleased.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRpBsWQTWU
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I was not. Definitely not pleased.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzu4dWFLYQm
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I kept drifting my eyes towards Hina but when I caught a glimpse of him I reverted to my companion, which is the floor. I kept repeating the same thing, but mostly, the one who I intended to look at was Hina. And unfortunately, my eyes were conversing in silence with the floor when footsteps started to fill the room.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVmR55Y38Bd
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Slow. Steady. Careful. Patient.
My eyes refused to look up. I wanted to brace myself but perhaps looking down was the much safer option to choose right now.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2OTdSoXD9t
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The footsteps got closer. Then stopped.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqNWI5AFC9
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It stopped right in front of me.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6EaC5hqNt
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I didn’t move. I tried to breathe.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ48nQfR1sb
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Then I looked up because not looking felt worse. I was careful not to look at his face. But an open hand sure appeared right in front of me. Patiently waiting.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡckkeJfBGo4
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“Test papers,” he said.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7YkKwMlcfF
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“Ah.” I didn’t intend to let out any sound, I did anyways.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGoKUmu9Ciy
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I hurriedly went back to my seat but the grip of Yui’s hand behind me slowed me down a little. I wasn’t thinking about it when I released my arm from her hands. I felt her trying to grab it again but I was already far. I felt sorry. She stood there in front of him for two seconds before she decided to follow me and settled behind me once again. My hands managed to find my test papers inside my bag. I took a deep breath then started walking towards him. Yui followed me, still behind me. Then, without looking at him directly, I offered them to him.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwsesSM0es1
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At that moment I wondered.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOThDTr3wpt
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Will he laugh? The thoughts arrived continuously. I’ve never shown anyone these scores except my friends. Not even my mom. Is he even capable of laughing?13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUn2rio7iA8
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“I bet his laugh would sound like a villain’s,” Yui whispered from behind me.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlcIRNaT8W
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“Not now,” I whispered back.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwN5kOx8s59
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He took the papers and glanced at the first one.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnADPVgMr6x
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“Terrible.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZSsumofCAX
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I heard Yui swallow a laugh behind me and I made a note to address that later.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgs1dM6OI5O
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“Hey.” Mika raised her voice suddenly. She still looked stiff but the comment she heard from him somehow gathered some courage for her to say what was on her mind. “You can’t just say it like that.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRXZPntYNng
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He looked at her from the corner of his eye.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmDgBzBzxfK
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She went quiet.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQXYfV1ByU
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Thank you, Mika… Sorry, Mika…13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4TtUJ0crvq
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The movements of his hands told me that he went back to examine my test papers. I still couldn’t look at his face. Partly because of the conceived idea that this guy was scary. And also partly because I was nervous about seeing his judging eyes. I just stared at his hands. He wasn’t saying anything but I could feel the tension building around my stomach. I could imagine him trying to look at every single mistake I made, every silly answers I gave. And I wanted to sigh. I couldn’t even sigh.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrUiu9mbsrX
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“But not impossible,” he said.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOtvgwGUFvg
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I blinked.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrb3EOsZMUj
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“Really?” Hina sounded delighted. I was confused.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKpi45L4IA
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Not… impossible… I repeated his words back to my thoughts.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqeo3o1FkpX
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“She answered everything,” he continued. “Ninety percent wrong. But she answered everything.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpVz5CN5Ahu
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Another muffled sound from behind me.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBXNP6ujIw7
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Yui… I swear.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCElxPV8APN
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“The answers she gave were wrong. But they aren’t random,” he explained. “She gave some kind of logic behind them, wrong logic, but there’s effort and it shows that she’s trying to solve them.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡngymosSr2r
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I listened to him. And I started thinking back.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlk5hDDZ9ZB
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Because..13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAtZoY6XnCA
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I had tried. I had studied. I gave my all.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsMvmlUHzU
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Everything was wrong in the end. It felt like I wasted all those times I stayed up late reading my notes, checking all my text books and yet failing to retain what I learned.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVn1cUGLug
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I gave the right efforts for everything. But the wrong results were what I got back.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbQHWEM5MJy
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I wanted to tell him. I wanted someone to acknowledge them. And I don’t know if he did. So I asked.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRaO0w4oIz0
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“Does that mean… there’s still hope?” My voice came out steadier than I expected.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFsLD7ucDLQ
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“Sure,” he replied.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJL6AF0X0pN
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That wasn’t reassuring. An of course would’ve been better. Just sure, like it was simply a fact he was confirming.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1OU3ybZGpW
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I’ll take it, I thought.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyEvLAxJu7B
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“But I have a condition,” he suddenly added.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Ufwcck3rX
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I was in the middle of smiling when I heard that. And I felt my smile slowly fading and then my mouth opened.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7yAvgcJrm
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Of course. It’s not going to be for free.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGVkh26zO7
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“How much?” I asked, before I’d thought about it.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF9NPNxW9k1
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“I don’t need your money.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1r3rFyuMOi
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I looked at him… for a second then I looked at his hands. Then what?13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4WKzQ3qwYa
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“What do you mean?” Mika already asked before I could. She already crossed her arms again, and that meant she was already done adapting from the tension. I wished I could do the same. “If it’s not money, tell us what you want.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0JmJGopMa
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He was just silent. Then he walked. Unhurried as always, back to his seat.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdUivpHCI36
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdUx7a9C7aG
He reached into his bag and took out a notebook. Then he slowly tore a page from it. He steadily placed the notebook back inside his bag. And carefully he wrote on that page he tore. He patiently folded it neatly. And then he finally walked back.
Why is he being slow when I’m already nervous?13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjpRR59Fopj
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb457TVe1ju
He stopped in front of me and held out that neatly folded paper to me.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhGQkrPHJOO
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“Don’t open it yet,” he said. “That’s my address.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqSRT3koqw
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“Why are you giving her your address?” Mika’s voice went sharp immediately.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwEysqosaN9
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He kept his eyes on me.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9NcAaNdhV
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“Come to that address tomorrow afternoon,” he said. “Alone. If you want to hear the condition, you’ll hear it there.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoyEHETEouL
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Alone? I sat with that word for a moment.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqsWWRohBn2
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Alone. In his apartment. Just the two of us?13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKqm4lgehoQ
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Me, with a boy with a terrible reputation?13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxs8aQKYhRw
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I had to say no. No was the immediate answer. And it’s where this conversation should end.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0byB66nAq1
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSbZlx3up8r
But the word. That one easy word to say wouldn’t come out. Instead it was drowned by two other words.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgpdSo7SvMp
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Not Impossible.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs3uB0dYNDt
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“No!” Mika said what I couldn't. “Absolutely not! Why does she need to come alone? I’ll go with her.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlmhMTgQdy
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“I need her to come alone.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLmF0fNpsi
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“Then this is over. We’re not agreeing to that.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKD4uWydAUI
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He looked at her.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeRMOAtrEfn
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“Tojo Mika,” he said.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR6l4aVcHiC
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Mika stopped.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpuoU89Lz1h
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“Always ready to answer when the teacher calls on you. Above average grades. A few points from breaking into the top ten.” He retained his usual way of talking. Serious, precise and unwavering. “The annoying girl with pigtails.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa5WiUQ3Q9f
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvs46IE0YeW
Mika’s mouth opened.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMIkWmQKkDy
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“Shirogane Yui.” He stared at the one who had been trying to hide behind me all this time.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHBs1TrupJT
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyrcSAAtgow
Yui made a small startled sound.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl5FDtdbq7A
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“Decent in class. Your reasoning when teachers call on you is good. You just don’t take studying seriously enough. A little more effort and you’d be above average.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCfeLagGej
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqTYrx6Xuw
“Oh,” Yui said softly. I could practically feel her eyes glittering wide behind me.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtRhF676Swb
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqaOsXWhxu
“Asakura Hina.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYp2RquqBg1
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“Hmm?” Hina tilted her head like she’d just been greeted across the cafeteria.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUilKTPaO3
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He paused for a second.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvt0I2jYNj5
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“Top two in our grade. Excellent across subjects. Your math is the one place you’re leaving points on the table.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZ4tpcE1jB
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“My, you’re actually right.” Hina smiled. Genuinely smiled. Like she was pleased someone had brought it out and noticed.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA66JjSSvVB
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxBSRhDioY
I heard that. And I wanted to protest. She got 91 in math and he still called it lacking? Isn’t that a little bit absurd?13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1QJnfE54nJ
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgci532deS
I felt mildly annoyed this time.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQPBef5rAS
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“None of you are bad students,” he continued. “All three of you know how to study.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEsG0dzCAJl
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlJXD7OGk9
“So what is your point?” Mika said. Still sounding fierce. But when I looked at her. She was looking at the floor. It felt like she knew what he was going to say next but still asked anyway.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoElX2KSEsK
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ck7f3hOp7
“And yet.” He paused. “You gave up on her.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfVxvb5sDL
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Everyone went still.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ5Cz7CSjFm
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Yui stopped moving behind me. Mika’s arms dropped slowly. Even Hina was quiet.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA06NFr4CE9
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As for myself. I did not understand what he meant.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡun5rprEKX8
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“You probably tried,” he continued. “And when it didn’t work, you stopped. Three people who know how to study. And none of you stopped to ask why it wasn’t working for her. Why she couldn’t hold onto what you were teaching her.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNU6EpjHAEt
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“It’s not their fault.” I let it out. I wasn’t planning to, but I let it out all the same. My voice was shaking slightly, I wanted him to stop. “It’s hard for me to hold onto things. They’d explain something and I’d get it, and then after a while it would be gone. It’s not their fault. They did everything for me. They did everything they could. I was just… lacking…”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoEmvtheyH2
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My hands were shaking at my sides.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAD0fL1xNWR
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“I’m the problem. Not them.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDF4XgeZ3Ga
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I tried to let those words sink into him. But the voice that came out next wasn’t from the person I wanted to speak in this moment.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeeO3R3yuJa
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXglCqO8FNb
“I’m sorry, Runa,” Mika said. It was barely a whisper.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNBtLYWddP
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfurhn88fGq
Behind me. Yui’s hands let go of my arm and she wrapped hers around me. She was quiet, and her embrace meant an apology I didn’t want her to give.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4uPMNF72pb
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I stared at the floor.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn8BMAMhrzE
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It’s not their fault. It was never their fault.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2syhy0obo
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He let out a long exhale from across me.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIHcxWEzGiF
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“I know,” he said. “You think it’s your fault.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTM7Lyco9RS
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“You don’t understand…” I looked up at him. I looked up at his face. And for the first time I actually looked. Really looked. And I noticed immediately. His hair, messy and dark. Clearly never been introduced to a comb. His face that looked sharper than I expected up close. Angular in a way that would have been striking if he put any effort into it at all, which I assumed was something he would never do. He’s taller than me by some noticeable margin. And his eyes were just looking back at me. Dark and direct and completely still. Intense, in a way that made sense of why people avoided them. But honest. Telling me that all he just said was true. “Don’t say it like that about them. They tried. They really tried to help me. They tried everything.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQALfT3Znwd
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBFlZh1jMA
He held my stare. Never looked away, never felt threatened. Somehow it was more unnerving than if he had.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhfnS6xro25
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“You’re right,” he said. “I don’t understand.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeyuG525e7Q
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He looked around and then stopped his gaze on me.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmkx8gWI4o
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“But from where I’m standing. All of you are at fault.” His voice cut through my excuses. “Not because they gave up, but because none of you understood why it wasn’t working. Not them. Not you. Nobody stopped to ask the right question.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmvd8YKMMGT
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Where I failed, he succeeded. Those words he said sank deep inside me. But the quiet my friends had surrounded me with, made me feel like it sank deeper for them.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3KOcpq0Heh
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“Studying is a skill,” he said suddenly. “It’s not something you either have or don’t. It’s something you learn. Something you can get better at. But only if you understand how.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQyQ6VH5LNp
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUiphotkMLq
That stuck inside my thoughts.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnDlN83s8kT
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A skill.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEm0hu9b1A
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSo0JZhKbbX
Not a talent. Not something you either had or didn’t. Something you could actually get better at.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAC5FvkdBtx
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUrpVJ0ROpu
Which sounded like exactly the kind of thing someone said right before they sold you something.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCN7zu3aDLm
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWDu2hWV92
And yet.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tBNKDCh4A
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I wanted to believe it so badly. I wanted it to be real. But I don’t know if he was telling the truth. I don’t know if I could actually trust his words.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDySRDof0Tm
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He moved towards his bag and carried it with his hand towards the back door of the classroom where he suddenly stopped.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXuFsFEVSbY
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd83FQLdqpn
I watched him. He was moving slowly, but not as slow as I remembered a few minutes ago.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vAQ8MYwbN
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“If I help you,” he said, “you’ll be in the top ten of our grade by the end of the year.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc8Vg1iwxT6
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Mika’s eyebrow went up.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjmNAIb1DQn
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I didn’t say anything. I just listened.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCKe1JdhA3b
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“It won’t be easy,” he continued. “But it’s achievable.” He stared at me. “If you agree to my condition.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhKt4bpzHXS
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And just like that. He was gone.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrfjnO7mmZn
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Nobody was making a sound. Not even Yui, who I thought would’ve already said something ridiculous but she stayed behind me gripping her arms around me tighter than before.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2FYISeC8yw
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“He called me annoying.” Mika broke the silence. Her voice had a mix of ‘about to get angry’ and ‘about to get confused’.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGB0DceJk3
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa6tSnOyl5A
“He called all of us by name,” Hina offered.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkOUVe72qCF
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“He specifically called me annoying!”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6MA2BAGTVz
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“He also assessed all our academic capabilities without ever being asked.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLup43p9TNj
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“That’s creepy and also not the point.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQhNrBde8aS
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“He was wrong to call you annoying,” Hina said. “But was he wrong about everything else?”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxXBZ3EpJPQ
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Mika slowly stared at the floor. “...No.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJipX1Vo82
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“I was hurt as well, since he was right.” Hina carefully walked towards Mika, then she placed her hand on Mika’s head. “But I think he is someone we can trust,” she said and her familiar smile returned.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnqkO9IRMj2
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“How do you know that?” Yui finally spoke, peeking at Hina from behind me.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWtO8Z5CwiN
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Hina smiled wider. “I just do.” She glanced at Yui and gave her a little wink.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk9UYt1uMJW
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“You can be really weird sometimes,” Yui told her.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0ra0ldDAv
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And I agreed with Yui. I didn’t know what to think. Everything he said seemed too good to be true. Top ten? In just a year?13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3H0olnsmIU
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I looked at the folded paper in my hand.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLOvya1pfZ
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“… I still don’t trust him,” Mika said quietly. But I heard it.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡebisW7tBO4
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I don’t either. But the hope he gave me was uncomfortable and at the same time something that I wanted to hold onto. Something that maybe could turn my life around.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX6LWXSP2Oh
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I closed my fingers around the paper.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJ5oOoeJbu
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This idea is terrible, I thought.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtBAk6VBixA
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And yet.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyC7bQ3ZfwD
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡngLQ3wmB0f
Tuesday, afternoon13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzhcRNIMCb
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On the walk to the station, Yui and Hina did most of the talking.
Yui finally regained enough of her composure for her to tell us stories about what was happening in another class. Specifically class 2-C. And she presented them with such focus and energy that she was like delivering some breaking news. Hina listened as she always did and sometimes contributed to them as well.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1VyW1ynROv
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I laughed with them. I said the right things. I didn’t want to show that what happened just a few moments ago was still shaking my thoughts.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmYm0YMFCJP
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Mika walked beside me like she always did. She wasn’t talking.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8N8reLmjN
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That was always how she got when something was sitting on her. The words went inward instead of out. I knew because I’d been watching it happen since we were small enough that the walk between our houses felt like an adventure.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhr7qUOcMhB
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We split at the station like we always did. Yui and Hina going one direction, Mika and I going the other. Yui waved her hands as she rode the train with Hina. I smiled at her. And then they were gone.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCAeL27z3At
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The train was quiet for the few stops between school and home, and by the time we were walking the familiar street toward our houses the afternoon had gone golden and long around us.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaMQnLIHLJE
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Mika hadn’t said anything yet.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4qFhg8KPsV
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I let her be.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlAGsTvNegh
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“Will you go?” she asked finally.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJcAu58esf
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“I don’t know.” I wasn’t sure. Maybe I was sure.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ58JPmP3Ybk
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I don’t know. I repeated in my head.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc3p0PupHxd
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“He’s not someone you can trust easily,” Mika continued.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkRDCSDOQw6
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“I know.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUSTWe8vkq
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“Everything he said…” She stopped herself. I knew what the end of that sentence was.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8UMsdgw7ro
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Sounds impossible. Doesn’t add up. Doesn’t make sense.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtgW9nIy69s
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“I know,” I said again.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rT3GiNbah
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We walked half a block without talking.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6xvkKyUPI2
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“I’m sorry,” Mika said. Softer this time. “I keep thinking, if we’d tried harder, or differently…”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7vfXxvQLy0
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“Stop,” I said gently. “It’s not yours to be sorry for. I mean it.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqvdT90UoF5
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“I want to try again. We can start over, do it differently…”
“Mika…”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0V6P78hZU
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She went quiet.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRbPf8lH1Ox
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“You already tried,” I said. “You all did. And I know you would again if I asked. But I also know it didn’t work, and I don’t know why, and maybe that’s what he was talking about.” I looked at the street ahead. “The right question nobody asked.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7WQC5mkDWB
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Mika kept silent as we continued to walk.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnNX2Q8EFqP
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A few seconds later.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNt3k9awtls
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“If you decide to go,” Mika said eventually, “and anything feels wrong…”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfx58YohXR
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“I’ll call you immediately.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHCvDG0CZUR
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“Before immediately.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpuqd2jVL4
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“Before immediately,” I agreed.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdUynnVikLh
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“I don’t want you to go.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJ86Q7Rt6V
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“I know.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB7AXHK6ddf
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“But you’re going to anyway.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMU2nwMEOgq
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I looked at the folded paper still in my hand.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZw5Lt3Cuw
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“...Maybe,” I said.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsWHklg6giF
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Mika exhaled. She knew that at this point she would never be able to convince me.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhy8NQuS4f5
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I smiled at her.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJtkHLqVNt
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“Stay safe,” she said. “Call me when you get there. Call me when you leave.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVocLHMtOX
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“Okay, mom.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTjk7KO32il
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“I’m serious.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTqPMKOPvvN
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“I know you are. That’s why I said it.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwK4pY3ZoG8
She smiled at me but as soon as she turned away, I caught her trying to hide an expression she didn’t want me to see.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ALMJ3Ugi1
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I looked up at the sky instead. The clouds had turned colors, orange edging into pink at the horizon, the blue above it going deeper.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB3M9zT4dkP
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Will I go?13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGEvXSNIp5
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I didn’t have the answer yet.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1fx80XWsK
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But I was running out of time to keep saying I didn’t know.
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and then Add to home screen.