Tuesday, After class.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9ahcwHnGr
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I had been thinking about it all day.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNg9iGi25Y
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About what Hina said yesterday afternoon, about what happened the week prior. Asking someone else to help with my problems. To fix what felt like to me, a burden that I had been carrying all my life. And the person chosen by her?159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rmzhwfmTo
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Kuroiwa Rei.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHeQwuoasZ
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I was always familiar with that name. But the person behind it always felt far away and I had my back turned towards him. I’ve only caught the words that were constantly passing around the school. And they were not very pleasant to hear or even to think about. I didn't know what he looked like. Well... just vaguely. The same with most people in our class. I felt that everyone’s eyes refused to look at him. Just like mine. Not even a second.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6WrlDZiS7z
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“There has to be a better option.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOzO3ExZp0
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Mika finally broke my chain of thoughts. She was standing in front of her desk, two rows near the windows at the front of the classroom.
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I had remained in my seat ever since class ended an hour ago.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCIwmutDXD
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I looked at her.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvSnd7GMVjc
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Her arms crossed like she always did whenever she was against an idea she knew it didn't make any sense. Feet planted on the floor with one slightly ahead of the other. Her face, firm, different from how she usually looked. Her eyebrows tried meeting each other in the middle. I knew that look. I've always known it ever since we were little. And right now? That look was directed to Hina.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrynWXJZoEI
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“Hina,” Mika continued. “Have you heard about this guy’s reputation?”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlaoekdpM3e
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Hina was staring toward the back door of the classroom, sitting at her own desk near it. Calm. Steady. Her eyes looked with expectation and her smooth lips, covered with a thin layer of pink lipstick, smiled. She was very relaxed. In fact, she was so relaxed that if I stared at her for a few minutes, I would almost hear her humming in my head. And that bothered me. A tiny little bit.
“Someone told me that he fought ten upperclassmen behind the school!” Yui raised her hand as she poured some of her cheerfulness into jumping down from the teacher’s desk where she sat. “And as a matter of fact, everyone says he has connections to the yakuza.” 159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbRqugybYh
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“I heard his eyes have supernatural ability to stab you just by looking,” Hina said. The smile on her face was still there. She turned around to look at Yui. “Apparently three students went blind last week.” She giggled.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzkZRndMhsL
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“That’s weird, I never heard of that.” Yui pondered.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSY5UzwRWts
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Mika started getting impatient. She never found anything funny about what had been said.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNqx64MOkT
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I did... giggled quietly.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfSQnpfuPP
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“That’s exactly the point!” Mika uncrossed and recrossed her arms, which for her was the equivalent of raising her voice. “On top of everything – he’s a loner, he never talks to anyone, everyone at school avoids him. People don't just avoid someone for no reason, you know.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbkBw9DwtnW
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I knew that. I knew all of that.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4evx48gZhT
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Since the beginning of the school year, I had spent every school day believing what others had said. And his nature of always being a loner made a radius of two empty seats between him and everybody else during breaks.. The rumors sounded ridiculous, they all did. But there was no reason for me to just throw away all I heard. I never intended to talk to him in the first place, even now.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡErpg3sW4Zi
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But the image of my mom being worried, her calling my father who was working overseas. My friends’ frustrations whenever I didn't get what they were teaching me. The supplementary lessons after classes. Me having to go home alone. Everything. They were all mixing together with the thought of this mysterious person who was also my classmate.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjzCMetDem
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I swallowed everything and said nothing.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Yl62EsDDr
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“Just trust me,” Hina said simply. She was looking at me specifically even though Mika was the one talking to her.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5lcgdPZ2dt
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I nodded. Very subtle nod.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBrVxQbTXY
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Then she blinked towards Mika and gave her a stare, the one she always did when she meant to say that she knew more and had no intention to explain anything. We just had to accept it.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzrIL11qaCw
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Mika opened her mouth. Closed it.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6NOxanJa0b
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I felt the same way. When Hina was being like this, pushing back was going to become a huge wall to overcome. The words she spoke were few, but the weight of confidence in them was too heavy.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJvMkZWH11Z
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“I just…” Mika lowered her voice. Her head tilted towards the floor. “I still don’t think this is a good idea.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqE0sASOsWr
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“Terrible idea!” Yui agreed cheerfully while raising both her hands.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRmqy9cNOB0
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I sighed, stood up and went towards Yui. I couldn’t stand the fact that I felt like I was losing an argument I was never even a part of. Maybe in spirit. I don’t know.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTFlHUuEImx
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Then the back door opened.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPQj45gUUtI
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I stopped in front of Yui when it happened. I saw her stand up straight from the sound. And I could feel Mika do the same without looking at her.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZxbYI3MuHA
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I felt him come in.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRgwWzjnBfu
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His steps were slow. With a certain rhythm that sounded careful. Sounded patient. Gentle.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdztBbEbSux
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Gentle?159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl2HKBVpXuJ
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Curiosity crept into me.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHqYe2y0AGm
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So I turned. Slowly. Reluctantly, like my body knew something my feet hadn’t caught up yet.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsBOKeXlLUe
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I looked at him, and he saw my gaze. My eyes snapped back towards the floor.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3kiOCbYxP
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He kept walking. After taking a brief look, I got the feeling he had been observing us. The three of us in the front of the class. While he continued towards his seat. At the back beside the window.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8NP3YffffK
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Behind me, Yui was not moving. I couldn’t see her face but her hands suddenly gripping my arm already told me that she wasn’t looking at him either. Mika as well seemed to be doing the same when I glanced at her.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPFixBvUFL
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“What does he look like?” Yui whispered.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDDDZuhLFnn
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“You have eyes.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSfiU1ZAdd7
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“I can’t use them right now.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiyVrPD0IKN
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“Why not?”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK5Zq1LtuDi
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“I just can’t.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4KCUaqexjF
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“Hi.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEGuGUc7Vtf
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That calm voice that suddenly filled the silence came from Hina.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB4HJ65tCsM
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Just a little bit. For just a little bit I looked up at her direction.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoKo3yO1NW6
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She was composed. Walking. Confident with each step. Towards the silhouette of that guy I was currently trying not to look at.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOhT9aqf6AV
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I could almost hear the thoughts of Yui and Mika synchronized with mine.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1n06OCzxMm
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How?
How is she so calm right now?159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHCyX44IQV
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“Kuroiwa Rei,” Hina said, with a slight hint of familiarity in her voice. But as far as I know, this is the first time I heard her talk to him. “Do you think you can listen for a second?”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZcY4IZoDd0
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The silence was everywhere inside the room. Too quiet that the noises that came from the classroom below us were the sounds I could hear.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQopMpsV2AS
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I never heard an answer from him. Normally, you would stop talking to the guy at that point, right? Normally, you would think that he's not interested in having a conversation with you. But Hina was different. At least I think she was acting differently than normal at this point. I thought she knew what normal meant. But right now? She was definitely ignoring what it meant.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFZwSUky9Sz
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“There’s something the four of us need from you.” And there you go, she kept talking. And of course, with the ease of someone acting like she did not just spend the last few minutes being reminded that this could be a bad idea. “We were hoping you might be able to help our friend study.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGP6R8RVNE
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I flinched. I was not ready for the conversation to shift onto my existence.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZybmG8xaf
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“Study?” he said.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2eIiWHDArv
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One word. The first time I heard him talk as far as I could remember. And it was that one word delivered in a voice that was flat and unhurried yet somehow still managed to fill the space it occupied completely.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLfFZ5qzKp
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“Exactly,” Hina said, sounding genuinely pleased.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW24BBT9V7j
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I was not. Definitely not pleased.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjpAm2AlIJ
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I kept drifting my eyes towards Hina but when I caught a glimpse of him I reverted to my companion, which is the floor. I kept repeating the same thing, but mostly, the one who I intended to look at was Hina. And unfortunately, my eyes were conversing in silence with the floor when footsteps started to fill the room.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhnFHwtLPl8
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Slow. Steady. Careful. Patient.
My eyes refused to look up. I wanted to brace myself but perhaps looking down was the much safer option to choose right now.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd5YX0dAWzC
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The footsteps got closer. Then stopped.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJaGgk4bVG9
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It stopped right in front of me.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHD2Ezn05dr
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I didn’t move. I tried to breathe.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdq4Lzmx0p
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Then I looked up because not looking felt worse. I was careful not to look at his face. But an open hand sure appeared right in front of me. Patiently waiting.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkIBsHEupXe
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“Test papers,” he said.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjF0K7o5q0k
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“Ah.” I didn’t intend to let out any sound, I did anyways.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ81a639kxM5
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I hurriedly went back to my seat but the grip of Yui’s hand behind me slowed me down a little. I wasn’t thinking about it when I released my arm from her hands. I felt her trying to grab it again but I was already far. I felt sorry. She stood there in front of him for two seconds before she decided to follow me and settled behind me once again. My hands managed to find my test papers inside my bag. I took a deep breath then started walking towards him. Yui followed me, still behind me. Then, without looking at him directly, I offered them to him.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAY69msydi8
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At that moment I wondered.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpA90YnOBN
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Will he laugh? The thoughts arrived continuously. I’ve never shown anyone these scores except my friends. Not even my mom. Is he even capable of laughing?159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBMwt8BcvVp
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“I bet his laugh would sound like a villain’s,” Yui whispered from behind me.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbmkRb1Xkmk
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“Not now,” I whispered back.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgLyWBpCa1w
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He took the papers and glanced at the first one.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwwjzTP6alV
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“Terrible.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCfeP15EL0n
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I heard Yui swallow a laugh behind me and I made a note to address that later.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5QEWqLMObl
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“Hey.” Mika raised her voice suddenly. She still looked stiff but the comment she heard from him somehow gathered some courage for her to say what was on her mind. “You can’t just say it like that.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKIZe9yMSos
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He looked at her from the corner of his eye.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNkJN9fYAsJ
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She went quiet.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT2nSJ3IZpg
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Thank you, Mika… Sorry, Mika…159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD2hGgnGrce
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The movements of his hands told me that he went back to examine my test papers. I still couldn’t look at his face. Partly because of the conceived idea that this guy was scary. And also partly because I was nervous about seeing his judging eyes. I just stared at his hands. He wasn’t saying anything but I could feel the tension building around my stomach. I could imagine him trying to look at every single mistake I made, every silly answers I gave. And I wanted to sigh. I couldn’t even sigh.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYUMFAvBxfn
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“But not impossible,” he said.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzmdvqzwamZ
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I blinked.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBPMR7MvTJO
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“Really?” Hina sounded delighted. I was confused.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknHbIJzYia
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Not… impossible… I repeated his words back to my thoughts.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1tmd7guKDW
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“She answered everything,” he continued. “Ninety percent wrong. But she answered everything.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7w0av2LEFx
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Another muffled sound from behind me.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDNblWnxQj8
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Yui… I swear.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jd5jtRzog
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“The answers she gave were wrong. But they aren’t random,” he explained. “She gave some kind of logic behind them, wrong logic, but there’s effort and it shows that she’s trying to solve them.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4p65NkFDRN
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I listened to him. And I started thinking back.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfTV3SrEgL
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Because..159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8XpbkuCf7
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I had tried. I had studied. I gave my all.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOzSJyUEUNe
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Everything was wrong in the end. It felt like I wasted all those times I stayed up late reading my notes, checking all my text books and yet failing to retain what I learned.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjiHGKU6UID
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I gave the right efforts for everything. But the wrong results were what I got back.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvyXh4mLQtG
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I wanted to tell him. I wanted someone to acknowledge them. And I don’t know if he did. So I asked.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXToSYCU1Z
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“Does that mean… there’s still hope?” My voice came out steadier than I expected.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡon7YNOkfAP
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“Sure,” he replied.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHpBGbltbvy
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That wasn’t reassuring. An of course would’ve been better. Just sure, like it was simply a fact he was confirming.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6s6LvlVZsj
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I’ll take it, I thought.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxr501wO8oh
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“But I have a condition,” he suddenly added.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8AePTo3yR3
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I was in the middle of smiling when I heard that. And I felt my smile slowly fading and then my mouth opened.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLF7uvsJPnB
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Of course. It’s not going to be for free.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1mAaQcU5N
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“How much?” I asked, before I’d thought about it.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUdNufTfTsq
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“I don’t need your money.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6nV2gIT5E
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I looked at him… for a second then I looked at his hands. Then what?159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL5VEPwtjZF
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“What do you mean?” Mika already asked before I could. She already crossed her arms again, and that meant she was already done adapting from the tension. I wished I could do the same. “If it’s not money, tell us what you want.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFozLottrUw
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He was just silent. Then he walked. Unhurried as always, back to his seat.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsoBDm4n44f
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrAWiPiPlls
He reached into his bag and took out a notebook. Then he slowly tore a page from it. He steadily placed the notebook back inside his bag. And carefully he wrote on that page he tore. He patiently folded it neatly. And then he finally walked back.
Why is he being slow when I’m already nervous?159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTivD24Mldi
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvdN1wxWcuv
He stopped in front of me and held out that neatly folded paper to me.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqdXwxuuHkJ
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRDVLj7hye
“Don’t open it yet,” he said. “That’s my address.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8gBi8vNzUf
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQvXATep0Y
“Why are you giving her your address?” Mika’s voice went sharp immediately.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8bpUpvm8h
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2kkkHopxcy
He kept his eyes on me.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExGmnYuvAE
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“Come to that address tomorrow afternoon,” he said. “Alone. If you want to hear the condition, you’ll hear it there.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6BZPxuRSZO
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0mwEgD3qcQ
Alone? I sat with that word for a moment.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiN7pFmIYtP
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zeEh46U5O
Alone. In his apartment. Just the two of us?159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhHhcvHXXs
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Me, with a boy with a terrible reputation?159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEgLEJsRDxt
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8IpN6SYaoQ
I had to say no. No was the immediate answer. And it’s where this conversation should end.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HuBF92EgE
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQc3Dt3wOs
But the word. That one easy word to say wouldn’t come out. Instead it was drowned by two other words.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzZpxPxHA4
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAzBh7xGBRB
Not Impossible.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HAThvaEJb
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“No!” Mika said what I couldn't. “Absolutely not! Why does she need to come alone? I’ll go with her.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZmzk163RP
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqBBav50eRc
“I need her to come alone.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLGULdv2BHd
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRROZsdU7O5
“Then this is over. We’re not agreeing to that.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡET01nwArpS
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtkB2ytyO6j
He looked at her.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtLwLouVAKZ
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“Tojo Mika,” he said.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9oHbg9URk
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Mika stopped.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhg36eHWe5A
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZfp4Q2EVg
“Always ready to answer when the teacher calls on you. Above average grades. A few points from breaking into the top ten.” He retained his usual way of talking. Serious, precise and unwavering. “The annoying girl with pigtails.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZbPBdFnYK
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTEyrXzgxln
Mika’s mouth opened.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJLrmDiLVk
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrRMwKHmjpR
“Shirogane Yui.” He stared at the one who had been trying to hide behind me all this time.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGBn5YeHQ25
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnivxQIcazC
Yui made a small startled sound.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6qE0QmuzB
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiyiFNAnGUm
“Decent in class. Your reasoning when teachers call on you is good. You just don’t take studying seriously enough. A little more effort and you’d be above average.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMQuK68i4t
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2PAiBDNeRq
“Oh,” Yui said softly. I could practically feel her eyes glittering wide behind me.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvGkJ7meuD
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXVnw4ud3Y3
“Asakura Hina.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzD4NE45Fy
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQ508U4p7s
“Hmm?” Hina tilted her head like she’d just been greeted across the cafeteria.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGka2qDe4TJ
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He paused for a second.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuAJZWE1NVH
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Bfp1Joeq4
“Top two in our grade. Excellent across subjects. Your math is the one place you’re leaving points on the table.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYmcBUIIeOz
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZp7BdrEpBy
“My, you’re actually right.” Hina smiled. Genuinely smiled. Like she was pleased someone had brought it out and noticed.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNp0gGf0tjM
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumiqh2Ec1B
I heard that. And I wanted to protest. She got 91 in math and he still called it lacking? Isn’t that a little bit absurd?159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHO8gE7EwK
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I felt mildly annoyed this time.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE2WPWvPpZZ
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGhwdMdhjAF
“None of you are bad students,” he continued. “All three of you know how to study.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe3vHKXoG2G
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFJqmuL5PS4
“So what is your point?” Mika said. Still sounding fierce. But when I looked at her. She was looking at the floor. It felt like she knew what he was going to say next but still asked anyway.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKAAyazNOb
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCFJkVCIpwA
“And yet.” He paused. “You gave up on her.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcFz12KtSx
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Everyone went still.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6VmsLxeCD
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Yui stopped moving behind me. Mika’s arms dropped slowly. Even Hina was quiet.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP2BbAT0FXJ
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHf22r6H6P
As for myself. I did not understand what he meant.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi9myoU04uR
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“You probably tried,” he continued. “And when it didn’t work, you stopped. Three people who know how to study. And none of you stopped to ask why it wasn’t working for her. Why she couldn’t hold onto what you were teaching her.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpnHKjhpRSv
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZU2LSc4o6K
“It’s not their fault.” I let it out. I wasn’t planning to, but I let it out all the same. My voice was shaking slightly, I wanted him to stop. “It’s hard for me to hold onto things. They’d explain something and I’d get it, and then after a while it would be gone. It’s not their fault. They did everything for me. They did everything they could. I was just… lacking…”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3jtxeCkEi
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlgARad91JH
My hands were shaking at my sides.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDo2VCf6mr1
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmfu4VnRwKE
“I’m the problem. Not them.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMzqytBgcm
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6qhhcCycX
I tried to let those words sink into him. But the voice that came out next wasn’t from the person I wanted to speak in this moment.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2EQtMIfLi
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhmkUVU4ON
“I’m sorry, Runa,” Mika said. It was barely a whisper.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKTShWO1xb
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxifYIGKyUZ
Behind me. Yui’s hands let go of my arm and she wrapped hers around me. She was quiet, and her embrace meant an apology I didn’t want her to give.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJFVO9oiPu
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I stared at the floor.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxBrfAcrfN
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It’s not their fault. It was never their fault.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPO2J3JwzIH
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzShnKJbhOc
He let out a long exhale from across me.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5lLpi8o7Nz
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“I know,” he said. “You think it’s your fault.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqUt1K8KJy
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXsWShQnq3L
“You don’t understand…” I looked up at him. I looked up at his face. And for the first time I actually looked. Really looked. And I noticed immediately. His hair, messy and dark. Clearly never been introduced to a comb. His face that looked sharper than I expected up close. Angular in a way that would have been striking if he put any effort into it at all, which I assumed was something he would never do. He’s taller than me by some noticeable margin. And his eyes were just looking back at me. Dark and direct and completely still. Intense, in a way that made sense of why people avoided them. But honest. Telling me that all he just said was true. “Don’t say it like that about them. They tried. They really tried to help me. They tried everything.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlURkd0RKDY
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ49QBUqmktQ
He held my stare. Never looked away, never felt threatened. Somehow it was more unnerving than if he had.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv8WWbmHfnM
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlzeCMq4bJl
“You’re right,” he said. “I don’t understand.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡixjITdMs6P
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He looked around and then stopped his gaze on me.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmS5u7aKjS
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKOPkl9mvTw
“But from where I’m standing. All of you are at fault.” His voice cut through my excuses. “Not because they gave up, but because none of you understood why it wasn’t working. Not them. Not you. Nobody stopped to ask the right question.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ8nKmQo5w6
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1YGjEidYQ3
Where I failed, he succeeded. Those words he said sank deep inside me. But the quiet my friends had surrounded me with, made me feel like it sank deeper for them.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZI9eYzmVq
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfR1272OUo1
“Studying is a skill,” he said suddenly. “It’s not something you either have or don’t. It’s something you learn. Something you can get better at. But only if you understand how.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfeKNt3ZXcI
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4ISSvXAcj
That stuck inside my thoughts.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrFzg6iutn9
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5n4zaVqJq
A skill.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF9qwUbJpr6
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXwMPNokvNq
Not a talent. Not something you either had or didn’t. Something you could actually get better at.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnuWiQuuGVJ
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuqtNXCOwWq
Which sounded like exactly the kind of thing someone said right before they sold you something.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlh0rcJFfMv
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumB8khorij
And yet.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPB3flxwGbk
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgZhams6SC
I wanted to believe it so badly. I wanted it to be real. But I don’t know if he was telling the truth. I don’t know if I could actually trust his words.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4PaNmOuBAJ
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡElHu6mc5oy
He moved towards his bag and carried it with his hand towards the back door of the classroom where he suddenly stopped.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpWtXQygFRq
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡunSQJtsveA
I watched him. He was moving slowly, but not as slow as I remembered a few minutes ago.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeNujlsfh81
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“If I help you,” he said, “you’ll be in the top ten of our grade by the end of the year.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsgZCEd0GFD
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9bBhqLTalo
Mika’s eyebrow went up.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpt07H0rvk
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I didn’t say anything. I just listened.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVkEz2NEqCl
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“It won’t be easy,” he continued. “But it’s achievable.” He stared at me. “If you agree to my condition.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNuOC28YqtE
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And just like that. He was gone.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZpNVMql02
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Nobody was making a sound. Not even Yui, who I thought would’ve already said something ridiculous but she stayed behind me gripping her arms around me tighter than before.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN6rMoxbJty
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfyjGi3vpxY
“He called me annoying.” Mika broke the silence. Her voice had a mix of ‘about to get angry’ and ‘about to get confused’.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdsvvjdscFy
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiACeMdUzKh
“He called all of us by name,” Hina offered.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9UN18K9PqR
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“He specifically called me annoying!”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡih8Y96ZICB
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“He also assessed all our academic capabilities without ever being asked.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaw8RiWyb3U
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“That’s creepy and also not the point.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9uIWN0suUL
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“He was wrong to call you annoying,” Hina said. “But was he wrong about everything else?”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡikywugGg54
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Mika slowly stared at the floor. “...No.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8zpU6EOqO
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTFich5AyqI
“I was hurt as well, since he was right.” Hina carefully walked towards Mika, then she placed her hand on Mika’s head. “But I think he is someone we can trust,” she said and her familiar smile returned.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ90rVnP7fm9
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbU4unS7lml
“How do you know that?” Yui finally spoke, peeking at Hina from behind me.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT4vbuR9IiP
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Hina smiled wider. “I just do.” She glanced at Yui and gave her a little wink.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8bs91pr0ED
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“You can be really weird sometimes,” Yui told her.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSkYaoqYejq
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And I agreed with Yui. I didn’t know what to think. Everything he said seemed too good to be true. Top ten? In just a year?159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQhEJoKZpNJ
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I looked at the folded paper in my hand.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡysnrvgGGQO
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyjXcmkzDNf
“… I still don’t trust him,” Mika said quietly. But I heard it.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡErVe3NtHJc
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I don’t either. But the hope he gave me was uncomfortable and at the same time something that I wanted to hold onto. Something that maybe could turn my life around.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb4JUlnDjDt
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSzHnCUAIg
I closed my fingers around the paper.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGR45t8xerD
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This idea is terrible, I thought.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDTzEIOxJjH
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtN7Elvwyb7
And yet.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFuKAEpjsta
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKHae2KeAdw
Tuesday, afternoon159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXccN7g9Atg
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjdSluX3XCY
On the walk to the station, Yui and Hina did most of the talking.
Yui finally regained enough of her composure for her to tell us stories about what was happening in another class. Specifically class 2-C. And she presented them with such focus and energy that she was like delivering some breaking news. Hina listened as she always did and sometimes contributed to them as well.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2GfFZYRBXw
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I laughed with them. I said the right things. I didn’t want to show that what happened just a few moments ago was still shaking my thoughts.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoetv13DbeI
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGG4OlOnxpj
Mika walked beside me like she always did. She wasn’t talking.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD7nQPxkE41
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That was always how she got when something was sitting on her. The words went inward instead of out. I knew because I’d been watching it happen since we were small enough that the walk between our houses felt like an adventure.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4qiSJq7iBE
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We split at the station like we always did. Yui and Hina going one direction, Mika and I going the other. Yui waved her hands as she rode the train with Hina. I smiled at her. And then they were gone.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGyrww5TnJk
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCYR2rnP3vi
The train was quiet for the few stops between school and home, and by the time we were walking the familiar street toward our houses the afternoon had gone golden and long around us.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxQmJhyKsud
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Mika hadn’t said anything yet.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnUS22E6rMK
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I let her be.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBq7a8FBNu9
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“Will you go?” she asked finally.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡflDk3iDGR9
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“I don’t know.” I wasn’t sure. Maybe I was sure.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUfZqfal6u
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I don’t know. I repeated in my head.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ71xssDByeM
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“He’s not someone you can trust easily,” Mika continued.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWzEvZQhtRl
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgfpICjIgIX
“I know.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi62m9LY7BI
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtug57ANfRO
“Everything he said…” She stopped herself. I knew what the end of that sentence was.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxl3MZZ8KgT
159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ94bKgeY3ha
Sounds impossible. Doesn’t add up. Doesn’t make sense.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡanSXZqhISH
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“I know,” I said again.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIInxbrNUV3
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We walked half a block without talking.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxHUMgGjjD6
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“I’m sorry,” Mika said. Softer this time. “I keep thinking, if we’d tried harder, or differently…”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfr4VnDUda
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“Stop,” I said gently. “It’s not yours to be sorry for. I mean it.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx82sl0eHt2
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“I want to try again. We can start over, do it differently…”
“Mika…”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9HXOvZekz9
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She went quiet.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ605tNx5Ooj
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“You already tried,” I said. “You all did. And I know you would again if I asked. But I also know it didn’t work, and I don’t know why, and maybe that’s what he was talking about.” I looked at the street ahead. “The right question nobody asked.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlG4WMrJwTh
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Mika kept silent as we continued to walk.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdm9C9P78Jf
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A few seconds later.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHff5v54NUy
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“If you decide to go,” Mika said eventually, “and anything feels wrong…”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEDbK43dvu
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“I’ll call you immediately.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0cJUFSb2HR
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“Before immediately.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJhp9rSQEU
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“Before immediately,” I agreed.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0hqqIX5n1p
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“I don’t want you to go.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzSJkmI47BM
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“I know.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeWzM8YoPqp
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“But you’re going to anyway.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBKDKnboAxg
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I looked at the folded paper still in my hand.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9WhSykbBzP
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“...Maybe,” I said.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡppB2dZy4n6
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Mika exhaled. She knew that at this point she would never be able to convince me.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqEseGdNrFb
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I smiled at her.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLI0EhmBop
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“Stay safe,” she said. “Call me when you get there. Call me when you leave.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ76vENWRqpE
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“Okay, mom.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxWkIU8E8T
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“I’m serious.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZcyDeM22Y
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“I know you are. That’s why I said it.”159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5PsLuhFNiy
She smiled at me but as soon as she turned away, I caught her trying to hide an expression she didn’t want me to see.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ10g0pbLh2z
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I looked up at the sky instead. The clouds had turned colors, orange edging into pink at the horizon, the blue above it going deeper.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUtP9vp5bK
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Will I go?159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1jUkse9439
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I didn’t have the answer yet.159Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsMaTQi8XPk
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But I was running out of time to keep saying I didn’t know.
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and then Add to home screen.