Thursday. Before first period.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ1dARTrz9V
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I feel lost97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwY3cwDHgs
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I felt very lost.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3k6Ib69Nev
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This morning just didn’t feel right. Every morning this week hadn’t felt right. And I would definitely feel worse as the day went on.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtn28pPYpoD
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I didn’t know how many minutes had passed since I lowered my head onto my desk. Forehead touching wood and I didn’t care if it was uncomfortable. Uncomfortable to me right now was my only real comfort.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNe80DOBQWU
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The classroom was filled with its usual pre-class noise. Classmates arriving, chairs scraping the floor, bags being dropped, and conversations mixing together. All contained inside this room.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzATvSHunKL
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I tried to listen.
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None of it was reaching me.
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Not right now.
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Probably not even later.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaBl0oFWnXw
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While everyone else was enjoying their youth. I was here, too busy having the same argument with myself that I’d been having since before I slept last night.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡamH7E1SnzH
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What do I do?97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKVZj1KjiL
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Unwillingly, I turned my head to my right, where Yui sat. I only noticed now, but she had been working through a box of strawberry Pocky. She had that focused contentment of someone who absolutely was just enjoying a snack early this morning.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjoUiwZ8fQW
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My head turned away from her.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRqjypnulqy
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I didn’t mind her eating. I wasn’t bothered with that at all. I was more bothered that she seemed unbothered while I was here accepting that uncomfortable is the best comfort I’d had ever since the start of this week. Nope. I am totally fine.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbAk44BG7IU
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“Are you okay?” Yui asked.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUIGuAFkNXO
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She noticed. I wished she didn’t.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi7fpIIKQoZ
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“Yeah,” I said. Still not looking at her directly.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIFRDr3bQ9G
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She tugged at my sleeve. I lifted my head, straightened up, and turned.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpcsMUI1SV
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“Here.” She held out a stick of Pocky, smiling. The way she always smiled when she was trying to make someone feel better.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7P5prTywAZ
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“You shouldn’t be eating before class.”
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“I didn’t have breakfast. This is all I have.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSp6TDqlZ0
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She pulled the piece back and ate it herself.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0VyiDEUr1u
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“Did you wake up late?” I asked.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJVSN21C8u
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“Yep. I didn’t eat breakfast because if I did, I would have missed you guys at the train station.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDpNyIOIMLm
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Alright, it was bothering me after all. So I had to say it.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM38XFXhoNO
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“You know, eating snacks early in the morning isn’t healthy,” I finally said.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7mKNz3AVCS
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“Don’t worry,” she replied, still eating, “I have a strong metabolism.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOMuMcwH9Pl
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I stared at her.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ybH3SAGpl
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Is that… does she think that’s how metabolism works?97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURxbjFUazm
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My mouth opened. I wanted to say something. Instead, I sighed.
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I shouldn’t have asked.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIVQLbKVee8
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I tried to shake the thought away. It didn’t matter after all. Nothing about Yui’s nutritional logic mattered right now.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn6KZJoZroz
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“Hey,” I said carefully.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfviIMhS44q
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“Yes?”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXr1mI89a19
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“What if someone challenged you to climb a really long ladder, and at the very top there was a huge bowl of curry waiting for you. You could eat all of it.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVCk3XFOd48
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Her eyes lit up immediately.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXU50OEdvAH
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“I’ll climb it! Definitely!”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJjx8SCaSjn
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“But,” I said, “if you slip and fall even one step, you have to eat green peas.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡirUj7d4wEh
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The light from her eyes went out.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6soJMflYQ
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“Ugh.” The sound came from her very soul. She never liked green peas. She hated it with such passion she would never talk to you again if you forced her to eat just a single pea.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLKF0eoP1yO
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She thought about it for a bit, placed a finger under her chin, crossed her other arm at the elbow to support it, closed her eyes, and tilted her head slightly.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEcWulRjsYC
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She’s actually thinking about it?97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLcczanTE1u
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“How big is the bowl of curry?”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPOcqOrbuSV
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“Huge. Like, really huge.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QaMEerGBI
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“Hmm, well… then I’ll take the risk.” She opened her eyes. Her voice sounded reluctant. But still…97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs6fGisPCwA
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She’ll take the risk…97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7koB0vh4JD
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“Why?” I asked.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NVZzPRfpz
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“I hate green peas! And I loooove curry,” she answered with no hesitation.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPxap7gGjw
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She stared at me. The look in her eyes told me that this was more than just a serious matter for her.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjv5mqKhi6Y
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But to be honest… It is for me too.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9izUYDignA
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“But you know, even if the challenge sounds hard, if there is a prize in the end that I really love, then I would do it,” she continued, almost casually, like she didn’t hesitate just a while ago. “I think before you take on a challenge, you look at the prize first. Before you look at the risk, you ask yourself… is it worth it?”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPG1dHHJELO
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I blinked.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGS2ZeNhDS
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“The huge curry bowl at the top… super huge curry bowl. I think it is worth the risk!” Yui continued, suddenly sounding excited.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw3sffkrlXt
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I looked down at my own hands. I felt a sudden shift inside me. Not entirely a huge one, just a slight tug into a direction that I had not thought about. Something different that I hadn’t considered before.
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Is it worth it?97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBSpFBzpVEF
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I pressed both hands flat against my chest without meaning to.
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Suddenly, Yui popped up in front of me, leaning forward. I felt like she was trying to read whatever was written in my face.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRmfiv7a3m7
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“So?” she said. “What is it about?”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVdTWJpHfCk
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“Uh… no, I mean… well…”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoBifl3vQyG
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“Is it about the condition?”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfpzmyb52TV
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I went still.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZfIFttbm1
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“...Yeah.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9q2vHJxaqe
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“Ooh,” she said, leaning a little bit closer. “So what is it?”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXSItzjXPQo
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“I can’t tell you… It’s…” I didn’t know what to say. What could I even say? “It’s something that…”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlN4G7OopzI
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“Okay,” she said.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYWo6rEmj4
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I paused for a bit.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt9s5RGDsGl
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“What?”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3WWJ3zDOJ
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“Well.” She smiled. “I could force you to tell me now. But it’s almost time for class.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEOBMIH0fTg
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I looked at the clock hanging way above the black board. Placed in the center of the wall.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmPSECVUCww
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She was right.The teacher would be here any second.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLAbymeMije
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I let out a breath.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbU8Ada0nBl
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Out of relief?97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWMMCdb1FWs
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Yes, mostly. I was aware that this would be brought up again later. But at least I got a lot more time to think about what to say.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdw3OpPp375
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Maybe… if I could think about anything.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJAyIFmh4Wu
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My eyes drifted without permission toward the back of the room.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXnfGoCPoN1
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He isn’t here…97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnPXBg0pugP
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At least that was one less person I had to think about all day. But this afternoon…97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ03GsqLYuro
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I stared at his empty seat for a moment longer than I needed to.
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Lunch. Rooftop.
Ever since we were in first year, the rooftop had become our place during lunch. The four of us appreciated the quiet it brought to us. Nobody else came up here for some reason. And if there were any, they would see us and go back down.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBA6X4bgXi6
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We ate lunch here most days. When it wasn’t raining at least. It had just become the thing we did.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoCkvpq1Vbo
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This morning the teacher had done the roll call the same way he always did. When he reached Kuroiwa’s name, he just moved on… No explanation, no pauses, he did not even wonder why he didn’t get any response.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5VZ3EA9ri
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Usually when a student was absent, they would call the school to tell the teacher. But somehow it seemed like Mr. Tanaka did not even think to share it with the class. He always did. But today he didn’t.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLaDkIFCzpy
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Did he even call? I thought. I felt like Kuroiwa probably did not.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZfGf32IswZ
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I hadn’t expected this. That I would feel bad about how he was treated.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡozaQyOROqY
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After all…97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBIX8m8KrFK
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A week ago I wouldn’t have thought twice about it. But now, after seeing what he actually did, his room, his work, and his goals. Those were different pictures of his life painted on a wall separate from what we all saw at school. Everyday he sat on his seat, yet everyday he didn’t exist to anyone.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNjcJPrA4w5
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It’s all so strange.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJa2O2Ltrk
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“You know what!?” Yui announced before we’d even properly settled down, lunch box already in her hand. “Miyamura-senpai from the basketball club and Anegasaki-senpai… they’re dating!”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNRQVIzrkQ
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I saw Mika glance at her in disbelief. I could tell that she was asking herself if Yui was actually going to do this now. After a brief look, she went back to getting her lunch out. Her lunch box bag looked almost like a small purse. That’s very Mika.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBVzMo2qmPe
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“Really?” Hina said. She sounded interested… or probably not.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYlqXgCS0tg
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“I saw them this morning holding hands on the way to school. But when other students got close they separated and just walked normally. Like nothing!”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8sAfCFQ4Hp
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Mika frowned without looking up. “We all walked to school together from the station this morning.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm49T8VF56L
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Yui slowly turned her head toward Mika. Smiling like she knew Mika was going to say what she had just said.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3zwty2MyZy
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“I have very good peripheral vision.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1lijNZ73W
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Mika closed her eyes briefly. Hina was quietly amused.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMGdUfNJT0
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I giggled.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ94GzbHJYq3
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“Just by tilting my head slightly…” Yui demonstrated. “…I can see what’s a few meters behind us in the corner of my eye. They were right there the whole time and none of you noticed!”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkq2JZaZetg
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“Wow,” Hina said. “It’s like you have a superpower.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXs6omBYby
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“Yes. My very own.” Yui straightened up proudly.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQdkQHFDfg
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Hina smiled. Mika sighed for a bit then started eating carefully and calmly. I could tell she was still not fully used to how Yui exposed her energy to everyone, even after a year together. Although, I thought, she was getting better at handling her now.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWxv7SAgAWZ
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“Also,” Yui continued, sitting down and finally opening her own lunch box, “Sakamoto-kun from our class confessed to Nakano-chan. You know, the girl from the library committee in 2-C.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvLisjXyFl
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“The one who’s always peeking into our classroom when she walks past?” Hina asked.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUsGwiJGDsT
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“Yes! They were behind the school building Tuesday afternoon. And she rejected him. That’s why Sakamoto-kun was absent yesterday and today he looks terrible.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡND3ApiviY1
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Mika looked like she was trying to restrain herself, but eventually she asked. “Tuesday afternoon you were with us. You know… during that whole thing. How did you even see that?”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGPcevUfQ7r
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Yui looked at her with the patience of someone who had already read her like an open book.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5AviKFI91
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“Very good peripheral vision.” She winked.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBxT7MokIlx
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Mika groaned and I bit the inside of my cheek.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcFEjViefs
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“One glance out the classroom window and I could see the entire view of the back building. I happened to look at the right moment.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF3m3i4IGha
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Hina gave a small, genuine clap. “Impressive.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZsWqJU6SfT
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“Aren’t I?” Yui said, settling back with great dignity.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPuzgrslCuj
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“But then why was Nakano-chan looking into our classroom?” Mika asked, and I could tell from her tone that she had already decided not to care whether she would regret asking this or not.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBGv8WSWbW
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“I figured that out too.” Yui pointed her chopsticks forward. “She wasn’t looking at Sakamoto-kun. She was looking at his best friend! Katou-kun! Who sits right next to him.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNxHU6uYxaP
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“Oh,” Hina said, with the delight of someone who finally got into the most interesting part of a television drama. “A love triangle.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZC2yHpjDn
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“Exactly like in dramas!” I said, because at this point, I was already invested.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm8KgigHBIS
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I heard Mika sigh beside me.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcUKWxkFQcz
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While Yui and Hina continued for a few more exchanges, Mika spoke to me.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUi0FuMKoUO
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“So.” She set her chopsticks down. “What happened yesterday?”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVtTaCDR2R
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL43xj33jPW
Yui stopped talking mid-sentence.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVUcEJUVIh
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Hina was already staring at us expecting to hear my answer.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxbpq1iuZJS
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I… I didn’t feel ready to say anything.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7f5A0hEfQ
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The rooftop went a little quieter.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrneYY3b0oi
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I stared at my food for a moment before I found the first few words that appeared in my mind.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIyXqga5F51
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“Nothing really happened,” I said.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFyhjh7I3Cg
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“What do you mean?” Yui asked.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZrGqJfeZMD
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I turned my chopsticks over in my hand once. Twice.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDGHIwJn23G
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVTahSuzXQ5
My friends patiently waited, but I knew I couldn’t let them wait any longer.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvpuT1nGCd
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOnNBOAO3Yp
“I got there, he let me in, I sat in his living room, he got me a soda, he brought out a table, and then we talked about the condition. He said I didn’t have to give him an answer right then. That if I came back today it would mean I accepted, and if I didn’t that was fine too. And then I went home.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnPDUwQjifH
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“That’s really all?” Hina asked.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRSH0VEWBV
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“Yeah.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfiP7xV5oCd
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I wasn’t lying. Everything I said was true. There were just some things I didn’t add. Because they would land very heavy no matter the words I chose to say. His workspace, his sacrifices, and then the condition itself. And how he would just sit on the sofa and read his book after all that. Like nothing, like everything he had just said didn’t matter at all.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLWozW0LgL0
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I took a quick look at Mika and I knew already what she was going to say.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMAtdfYbCEg
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ZaAIbfU9d
“What’s the condition?”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34CBeT3FpN
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiEjeudHm4L
I knew it97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfaTMfMpDoU
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGPFuHtpym
“...I can’t tell you.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIagfUSKy7R
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“That’s not acceptable.” Her voice lifted slightly. “I knew I should have come with you.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmWRHg5Fqm
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ32Kiyp5DEM
“It’s fine,” I said. “I’m going to be fine. You don’t need to worry.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHv8pxJuWmp
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYms11lw1U
Mika stared at me. Her eyebrows knitting showed that she didn’t like what she heard.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohQgz62dU9
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeIBepKEUIL
“Why are you saying it like you’ve already decided to go back?”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6oyJIZjGh
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I opened my mouth. Closed it.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9p26SdgrfA
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Have I?97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu0duUYEJ9b
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I thought about it and slowly, I was surrounded by quiet.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwLorJ03FW
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“I…” I hesitated.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNcLo1Etfjj
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“You have decided to go, haven’t you?” The tone of her voice started to sound accusatory. “I can tell.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ598KGljYTc
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I didn’t argue.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡReKFZ7wcSt
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I knew I haven’t decided yet.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6YWaDcOIK
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Or… maybe…97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYHQGbAZdY
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I was just convincing myself that I hadn’t decided even though I was already thinking about what would happen this afternoon.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsZAr9NjLW
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“How can you always make reckless decisions like that?” Mika continued.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8TQdSQEmwz
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“I haven’t said I am going, right?” I replied.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNpJjegCYu9
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“But you didn’t say that you wouldn’t go.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjMkBykR7SZ
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFpmsEFcqD
“Mika, don’t make up things I haven’t said.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0b7BPTGV5
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWHoxSlAFr
“It doesn’t matter, what matters most is that you don’t have to do this. You don’t have to always expose yourself to danger.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWLAThR4bh
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1TfG7ll1MK
“It’s not dangerous.” I paused. I knew I was lying.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3yzGxC0Xlw
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“If it’s not, then tell us what Kuroiwa’s condition is.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDWMFvIjjjS
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“I… it’s none of your business…”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNzWhWgmYIS
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I looked down.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡemFGyAaAlG
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I noticed that both Mika and my lunchbox were already lying on the concrete. Grains of rice everywhere. Her favorite dish, my favorite dish, both our chopsticks… they were thrown when we stood up. I didn’t even realize I had stood up. She probably didn’t either.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqBkEmlmV8X
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Mika grabbed my hand.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHXuGKQXuL
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“You don’t have to go,” she said and her voice was trying to reach me even though I could hear it perfectly. “We can go back to studying together. All four of us. We’ll find a different approach this time. We’ll do better.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcxgz543v2U
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“There’s no time,” I said quietly. “Midterms are next week, only six days left, including today. If one week didn’t produce any result… how would six days be different?”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrMR5C1Qwc
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Mika let go of my hand.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvDQdDozC0t
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“So instead you are choosing to accept a condition you can’t even tell us? You’re choosing to believe what he said?” Mika’s words were just coming, she wasn’t stopping herself anymore. “He is not a miracle worker. It’s not like he can actually turn your scores around in six days either!”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvZpb1p9mSE
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She paused for a second and let out a small gasp. I could see it on her face… regret… and the recognition of what she’d just implied. That even if I tried, the outcome was already written. That I was going to fail regardless.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD5bgYyWBzg
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She didn’t say she was sorry. She just looked down. I saw her grip both her hands but also bite her lip trying not to say anymore.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeV8CL5sdtP
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What she said was true. I couldn’t deny it. And that’s exactly why I needed to say what I was about to say.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwwZ1u5xrg6
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“He told me he can.” I kept my voice careful. Even. “He told me my answers weren’t random. That even though they were wrong, they were well thought of. That if we applied the right methods, I would eventually produce the right answers.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2yQSrFtlV
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“You can’t trust him,” Mika mumbled.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEakb7JKBDG
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“I don’t,” I said it plainly. “But he’s the only hope I have left.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUFckSU7TPf
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My hands tightened slightly on my sides.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpJpWjPDSiK
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“I don’t want to worry my mother anymore,” I said. “All four of us have been studying together since last year, but I still ended up taking supplementary lessons. It’s even a miracle that I was able to move up with you all. Last year was hard enough and now the material is harder. I laughed it off to you guys whenever I failed a subject. I tried not to show you that I was actually worried. Whenever I was at home, I studied. Whenever I was with you, I studied. But no matter how many times we did this, I could never keep up. I feel like I’ve wasted all your time, and I don’t…” My voice choked for a second, but I pushed through it. “I don’t want to be a burden to all of you anymore...”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdOpKe0JL2Y
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Tears welled from the corner of my eyes. I fought to keep them from dropping but they kept on flowing down my cheeks.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPx4sUqe5D
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I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to see myself in the expressions my friends were wearing right now.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6c5CIVtWrW
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I felt Mika come closer, and then I felt her arms wrap around me. She buried her face against my shoulder and I felt it slowly getting soaked.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACMSd2ehQx
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“I’m sorry,” she said.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhec6zhPDx1
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“Don’t be.” I shook my head slightly. “It’s not your fault. You’ve been helping me a lot since we were kids. How could any of this be your fault?”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXhvv4jBVcl
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwzDPvGUw16
Mika let go of me but not my hands. She gripped them tightly, but carefully.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyltEEjzLMj
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“Are you going?” she asked. Her voice was still faint with sobs.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpenOUVI72l
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“...Yeah.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmBTtSYHBy
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Yui made a sound from somewhere and then her arms were around both of us, holding on without saying anything, trying very hard not to sob and not quite managing.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXL8VoGRUmK
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After a moment Hina stood up. She came to us and placed her hand on each of our heads in turn. Gently, unhurried. Then she looked at Mika.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLOMVfQX8T
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“If you’re that worried,” she said, “go with her this afternoon. You don’t have to go inside. Just wait nearby.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqV6OnaZkPM
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“What if it takes a long time?” I asked.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtAGmLScCuQ
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“Then she goes home.” Hina’s voice was calm. “But we both know she won’t.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR8TGwMhKpu
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“I’ll wait,” Mika said immediately. She pulled back enough to look at me properly, eyes still wet but firm and steady. “I’ll come with you and wait outside. Somewhere close.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbmznxHc0xp
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I nodded.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhumMlFHgE9
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Yui, still holding both of us, let out a long shaky breath.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWFB7NJ0aTw
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“Please don’t fight again,” she said, almost begging.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8ZQWX5kIe
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“Yui.” Hina’s voice was gentle. “That’s just how it is sometimes. We argue because we care. And then we come back to each other. That’s what it means to be friends.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXBLek7NoWI
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡErdL5frmtK
Yui peeked up at her, still sniffling, as she thought about what Hina had just told her.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07crOvQVun
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“Okay,” she said quietly.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXQ5RMYBB2
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I looked at the three of them. Mika with her wet eyes and her steady conviction. Yui, who had wrapped herself around us both and refused to let go. Hina, who knew exactly what to say whenever things like this happened.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn59Hn6tGwE
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These were my people. All of them. And I wasn’t going to let myself fail in front of them without having tried absolutely everything available to me first.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUYI4CBrADn
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This afternoon…97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUhgN8V0ElZ
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I’ll have my resolve.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXAkbbGD2S
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXxjY4Te0Gu
Afternoon.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzCMt7b09QG
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Mika walked with me to the building and stopped at the park just beside it. She’d insisted she wasn’t going anywhere. I told her she didn’t need to wait if I took too long, but she only gave me the look, her look that said she heard me, but she was the one who would decide whether she stayed or not.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPiVMA7VTCA
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I smiled at her. She smiled back. We laughed for a bit, the kind of laugh that showed that we were both okay, that we were both fine and we were going to be best friends for a long time.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFav3RuoijB
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I went inside, found the intercom panel, and typed in Kuroiwa’s room number.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5d3vFGqWbX
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“Who?”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUCkKSNS0n
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Hmm?97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8zcuTteuL2
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His voice sounded a bit different today. Was he sick? I mean, it still sounded stern and strict but… somehow a bit mellowed.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxdyJPOmDTz
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I shook my head.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr45EkuWcZb
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Mellow didn’t seem like the right word to describe him. It didn’t seem right at all. I didn’t know why I thought of it.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrAyqu302fd
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I told him it was me, then the inner door opened.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5wdbABxyIh
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I took the elevator to the fifth floor, and when I stopped in front of his door I immediately found the doorbell. I had reminded myself of that one ever since I entered the lobby.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGwG8q64WIq
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I pressed it and waited.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBaTwO2nCq1
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A few seconds passed and the door opened.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDhkM4zxbM
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Then I understood what was bothering me about his voice earlier.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4oZqqz5vV
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He looked… exhausted…97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSVRINrBB0K
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His hair was messier than its usual mess. The shadows under his eyes were darker and more pronounced. The way he was standing wasn’t quite as straight as it always was, like he was acutely aware that if he didn’t balance himself, he would fall.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡny8Wa3wJ2m
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“Wait here,” he said.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjv6hgnYXcY
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He left the door open and disappeared into the other room he hadn’t shown me yesterday.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcx73mOKfz7
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I didn’t know what to think. Was he not going to invite me in?97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rkwHjPY0c
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This is quite awkward.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡysReoRJ1Vs
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A minute passed. One minute of pure confusion ran through my mind. Maybe it was even five minutes. Who knows, all I know was that I was standing in front of his door, outside his open door to be exact.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzo28NuAutR
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Why is everything with him always so specific and so unclear at the same time?97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkUoX0ZMtY
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I sighed quietly.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJjaau0FcAS
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And then he came back.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9wDit3pKqx
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With notebooks?97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwwu9r9U3nn
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4oYbXmzmsy
A lot of them… stacked and thick. I could already see myself struggling to hold all of them in my hands. And I could also see him struggling to keep his balance while carrying them as he kept walking towards me.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO2Kma3aity
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He managed though.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhysMjkacMR
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“Hands,” he said.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtyyKrkM8KZ
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That didn’t sound right to me for some reason.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6SgdaJT5k
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG61ntk9ReY
But I still reached both my hands out.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7BvLZ27lQn
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL23pvTzdbF
He placed all those notebooks on top of them and I almost fell. Thankfully I didn’t.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD57zZ2S70X
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVSfj4BoRZe
“The three notebooks at the bottom are for the finals. You won’t be needing them right now,” he explained.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz0HN5eLsRH
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1h9lNsdqwG
I tried to count how many notebooks he had placed on my hands.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqxlIV9BeYN
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAx7hhaAxkN
… nine…97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1x9eL8F2XY
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPTP0JC8fC
Nine notebooks… Nine? Each one as thick as a novel?97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpMmDVnJYYq
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3W28Ct2m1
“The rest are the ones you’ll need for midterms. They will also be used for the finals,” he continued97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLZZwsS3GW
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUA76WX1z8Z
“That’s… that’s a lot,” I said. I had no idea that we needed this many notebooks for this term. Do we really?97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaMbtozA3V7
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVVepS0WVFW
“That’s all,” he said. “You can go home now.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpig5fVcS1u
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFOtEF2R9F1
I blinked.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmmJ6jLji9
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That’s it? Just… here are some notebooks, go home?97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEntwrEci1p
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8R9GTPZ5w3
He moved to close the door.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7fDILwCBIU
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1VwuAQcLaT
“Wait.” The word came out before I’d decided to say it.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZVmOG6Upg
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGVO81Almr
He stopped.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyPYVr4gaIw
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“Are we not starting today?” I asked.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8rOeVg05XZ
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvav0tNzfB
“No need. There’s enough time.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhFo2jDDlN
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTqD9XgDPH
Is there though?97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqrkKQRQwMV
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My mouth moved before my brain caught up.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLXJG8eSeI
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwjiBNtbp1I
“Why were you absent?”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt2szJYd61h
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhS7OtNUMd
“I was writing those.” He nodded at the notebooks in my arms.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwTCvo4wTp
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ397q1a71l0
He wrote these!? Really?97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6t2VoYUslU
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzuP3xy6XaX
I wanted to check, I wanted to look inside one of the notebooks, but my arms were currently occupied and I found myself wishing I could grow at least one more. Just for this moment.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJGs9S4llVs
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyuev1SekP3
“Since… when?”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBsxyVo0pt
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpAEME8stZf
“Yesterday, after you left. I finished a few minutes before you arrived today.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb7YFKheoli
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExO43sGlLk
I stared at him.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3lehutUJ76
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdAQXLI5MaT
“Did you sleep?”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgevLdf1c9G
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmOLabaqMCV
“No.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwZy66jNdF
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLElg4fkEfr
“Why?”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdQhQHjU6Fd
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwSWT3e0HAY
He looked at me and I guessed he was trying to understand why I asked a question with an obvious answer.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYv4yTUu0MF
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC2M2heChk8
“You want to pass,” he said. “I wrote you materials to help you do that.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9WBpFdKOEG
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHkVTOKGYcS
I opened my mouth to say something… maybe a thank you, maybe ask him why again, or ask what was wrong with him… but none of it came out.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9RFfELh5SV
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ21NEg3fECO
He hadn’t slept just to write all these nine notebooks I was carrying? I didn’t understand. Every time I thought I had some tiny grasp of who he was, he would just shatter it right in front of me.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgrPVkxnMj7
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzqSRdnwWQe
I had asked him why?97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLBeRSq1El
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJ8irRs23s
He had answered because I needed help.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzszeBZZnG
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0tUWJLLqhz
I had asked him again…97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJPTU2kJ8DQ
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He had answered because I wanted to pass.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg0U0UYF382
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg6fO8Pmds4
Was it really that simple to him? That he didn’t have to think too much about it. Just, I could help you so I would help you.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSO1yVnYZID
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPB3pel5nW
Why?97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡID6en1kvJw
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbC74v64Jqw
I asked him that question one more time from my thoughts.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8sj1ZPuIW
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“Is that all?” he said.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTxQr9cSXp
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS12MqkYdrb
“Umm… wait.” I hesitated for a bit. “Don’t you need to hear my decision?”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDb0nyMsPE
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG32THiPYH2
He stared at me for a moment.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwqzFlYT2gg
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLiZ4S6Qq1V
“But you are here now.”97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHg99fExp3s
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTsjB7LLa3Z
This guy…97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx6jgkNX4EV
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Wwpy2WvgN
I just nodded, I didn’t know what to say anymore.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbW78tkULcW
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDAIoup2PS
“If that’s all then… Goodnight…” he said as he slowly closed his door.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXskL9CCGmM
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSWgo8NoPxq
It was the middle of the afternoon. The light outside was still golden.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4mO7K3mFWt
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ73nSeTVpgf
I stood there for a few more minutes until my arms started reminding me I was holding nine heavy notebooks.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHlpInF5yJ
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BV8GgMbfl
I placed them on the floor first, knelt down, then carefully placed eight of them in my bag. They were so thick that one of them had to be left out. I stood up and carefully balanced the weight of my bag while I tucked the remaining notebook under my armpit.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYhsQ7Yv5rj
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡchGBiolnnu
I faced his door and bowed just a little. The only way I could express gratitude now, because I didn’t earlier while he was here.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcW5TXAzmA3
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSexDIUxN0R
I walked towards the elevator and pressed the button for the ground floor and waited for the doors to close. I started thinking about Mika waiting in the park below, about the curry at the top of the ladder, about the image of him sitting alone in that room all night writing materials for someone he’d spoken to exactly twice.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXg5AnUYTqd
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I don’t trust him, I told Mika. And that was true.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv2Qxlx6ZoL
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfFeS9k0ef
But maybe it wasn’t about that at all.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJKWQvibVM
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Maybe… it was more about whether the prize was worth it or not…97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN9yeFjzBxC
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3EVFinKV1
I felt the heaviness of my bag, then took the notebook under my armpits and gripped it with my hand.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJYAi1P0jr
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLnq65noUMo
Then a thought came right after.97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzrQKxKlRCU
97Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡviuwBsMbR0
I think it’s worth it.
and then Add to home screen.